I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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