i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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