Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize