the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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