The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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