Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
