Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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