She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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