I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
