I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just cut my nipple shaving
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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