if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
