Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
this boner is exhausting
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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