can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
