Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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