dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
