So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
