You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
