fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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