I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
