11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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