How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize