i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
