I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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