Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
