dude i'm inner monologue high
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
