Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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