that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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