Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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