hell yes lets make some ravioli
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
