I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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