I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
