Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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