wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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