the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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