So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
