3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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