i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
