you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
