we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
