im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize