I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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