Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
