saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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