Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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