I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
