Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
