Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize