there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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