Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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