take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
