Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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