Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
