Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
