It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
