seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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