She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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