I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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