This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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