just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize