i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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