marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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