I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
