Soap is not a condiment
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
