so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
