I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
