I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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