Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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