Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
