Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
smell my finger.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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