My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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