I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
