I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
