Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize