she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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