All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
