Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
