WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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