It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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