if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize