He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
