Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
