An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
