I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
