Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
