I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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