I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
