Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
