I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
