I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sext me about skeletons
Panties = found
Randomize
