areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize