just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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