I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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