i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
