My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
