Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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