Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
