I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my shit smells like andre
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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