Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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