my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize