and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
