I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
