yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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