he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
