She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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