I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
