don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
