tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
